With the line "A girl never forgets the first corpse she shaves" I was hooked by this memoir. In her mid-twenties, Caitlin entered the mortuary profession. She had been fascinated/terrified of death as a child and finally decided to study Medieval History in college, with an emphasis on the witch trials and death rituals. Through her research into other cultures and her own experiences working at Westwind Cremation and Burial in San Francisco, we get a behind the scenes glimpse into the gritty, but real, nature of death. Doughty deftly explores burial rituals in other countries, the affect religion plays in death, the machinery and processing necessary for cremation, the options we have for our burial (how to avoid being scammed), some common misconceptions about what happens to our bodies during the process, the history of embalming, and the importance of preparation for the inevitable.
I did struggle in the middle with the infant cremation section. I had to put the book down because it made me shaky as well as teary-eyed. A few deep breaths were necessary here to get my bearings! Some of it initially struck me as callous, but these jobs must be done by someone. I appreciate that there are people who are up to the task. They are made of far tougher stuff than me. Luckily, there was only one instance where I found a phrase tasteless. I realize finding humor when possible would be an absolute must. You'd have to make the job bearable through some morbid jokes, but this one was particularly insensitive since pertaining to infants. As a reader, there was no point in hearing it. Doughty even admits its appalling, so I wish it had just been left off the page.
I found this book even more profoundly affecting than I imagined. Beyond the information on the death process, it made me think about how to live a good life, and the importance of opening discussions with loved ones so we don't unintentionally deny someone (and ourselves) a good death. I interpret "good death" as meaning one with as much choice and dignity as possible. It may seem common sense that talking about things is often better than NOT talking about things, but rarely have I felt the point driven home quite like this.
Doughty is unconventional and fascinating, I urge those who can stomach some graphic details to give this a go. It will open your eyes to the eventual reality we all face, as well as give you a new appreciation for people who endure this type of grueling job.
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